I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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