Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
