It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
