??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
