dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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