Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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