I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
