I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
