You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
