Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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