i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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