I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
