look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
