you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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