my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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