I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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