if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
