just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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