I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
