next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
