It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
