i think my tv is drunk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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