Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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