dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
