some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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