P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
