so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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