When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The Olympian is in my bed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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