whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
