Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
