I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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