So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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