I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
