i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
