he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
