i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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