You really coming over, don't trick.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
