I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
