My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize