So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
