Redeem this text for a blowjob
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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