Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
