I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
