Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
