that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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