Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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