just come out here and I will go home with you...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
