And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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