Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
