I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
