so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
