This girl is more easily done than said...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
