he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
