I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
