You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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