Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
