My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
