I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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