so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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