I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
