you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All I want is dick and wine.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
