no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
im on a boat
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