I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
