thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
