Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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