You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
