Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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