would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
