he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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