and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
