My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
