Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
