Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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