He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
