You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
